Published in Profile P Ub·PinnedMember-onlyA Simple Way to Generate Your Perfect Headline With SharethroughLearning to write a perfect headline was easy. Using it was impossible. — I’ve been having a hard time gaining readership. Three hypotheses concerning this are: My articles aren’t great. And dey are mot grammatically correct. My headlines aren’t good either, and headlines are the focus of this article. I often overstate myself Addressing #3, I’m convinced headlines are an important part of…Headlines6 min readHeadlines6 min read
Published in MuddyUm·PinnedMember-onlyThere’s No Dishwasher? — Shocking Discoveries and Insightful Comments by HGTV’s House HuntersA realtor’s unfortunate reality — The following characters are based on stereotypes of HGTV channel’s House Hunters. Hunter: an annoying-entitled-bitchy type who’s seen too many movies or reality shows and now mistakes herself for aristocratic or blue-blood despite her mundane middle-class-at-best blood. Thinks “Agent” is code for someone who can take an unrealistic budget and…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
PinnedMember-only25 Plausible Pliable Ways to Potentially Increase Your Penis SizeBecause increasing penis size is now a universal concern — Since the dawn of time, man has been obsessed with the notion of increasing his penis size. Thanks to the aid of recent medicine, men who used to be women get to experience the same anatomical-related dilemma. In the new era that’s dawned, penis size increase is officially a universal…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
PinnedWelcome to the Shit Show.Starring Profile P — Who am I? I’ve been writing on Medium for about 93 minus 90 years and have 93 followers who, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, don’t know why they follow me except out of pity or to feel better about themselves. If the second one’s true and I have a hunch it is, I’m…About Me3 min readAbout Me3 min read
Published in Profile P Ub·PinnedI’m An Underachiever, Damn It!13 Legit Reasons For Underachieving — From An Out-Of-The-Closet Underachiever — I’ve been an underachiever for most of my life and have come to the undeniable conclusion that there are far more advantages to being an underachiever than an overachiever. Reasons to Underachieve Underachievers have way more time to find themselves. We can do and learn virtually anything we want before deciding what to…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published in Profile P Ub·Jan 15Member-onlyThe Internet is Maxed Out, So, Everybody Needs to Take a BreakStop being a creator for a hot second — We’ve hit a snag. An intellectual plateau. Nothing of use is going on online. The only thing happening is stampedes of creators inundating cyberspace with too much of themselves. More than ever, people are reinventing what’s already been reinvented and adding additional distractions for no other reason than their own…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in Profile P Ub·Updated Feb 18Member-onlyAlways Never Try to Be the Smartest Person in the RoomIf you don’t have to try, even better — For most people, being the smartest person in the room is easy, especially when you’re alone. For me, it’s challenging being the least smart person in a room, even when I’m alone. Last week, I was in a room with a person who I’ll call Bill, waiting for a work…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Dec 23, 2022Member-onlyAn “Ariel’s Boobs Light Up the Tree” ChristmasObjectified, but like, in a good way — I’ve always been a fan of Ariel’s breasts. She’s over eighteen, right? I heard they were modeled after Alyssa Milano’s. She’s over eighteen. Although it may prove to have been a better choice, this story is not about Milano’s breasts. Reading one of those Disney Christmas shorts books, the sucky-kind…Humor2 min readHumor2 min read
Nov 4, 2022The 5 Best True-to-Form Zombie FlicksReal zombie movies need only apply — Has anyone else been in a recent fog when it comes to zombie movies? Do you feel like the line between what’s considered a zombie movie and movies about deadly viruses or germs has become one big blurred zombie ball of confusion to the point where your delicious brain can…Zombies3 min readZombies3 min read
Nov 2, 2022Member-onlyA Method for Writing Super-Fast Articles?YELLOW SUBMARINE, JOKES, BREVITY, AND BEING STUBBORN A Method for Writing Super-Fast Articles? I Write an Article a Minute. Watch me go. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! The idea for this article was formulated the same way I come up with all my articles, starting with a joke. The joke? Writers who publish an article a day. I’m not saying the writers themselves are a joke. I’m saying the speed…Humor5 min readHumor5 min read
