A Numbered Set Of Data Indicating Why We Should Ban Lists From Our Culture Before We Can’t Function Like Normal Humans

1O Defocation-Slangy Reasons Backed by Blink-of-an-Eye Internet Research for Banning Lists

Lists shmists

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This article is about articles with lists or listicles, in other words, meta about meta. Or just meta? It’s not worth thinking about.

And if you are reading this listicle in search of hard data proving a point, you won’t be disappointed, you’ll be highly disappointed.

Yes, we’re up the wazoo with lists but this listicle is different.

You should read this article about lists because it will shed light on darkness. Yes, that's about the level of the profundity of this listicle, and most others.

I could think of no useful reason to write about in this intro that would spark a reader to continue because you know if you’re reading this, which you are, you need no further coaxing and most likely just want me to start the list already. Go ahead, you addict, dive in.

Shitty Reasons for Banning Lists

  1. By banning lists you’d be banning list-making which would free up more time to get the items on the precluded list done.
  2. “ lists you would also free up more reading space on the internet (and be an enabler of #1 on this list).
  3. If you expected me to come up with 10 reasons not to make a list without being a little ironic, skip to #10 and then go write a list about something. Otherwise, continue.
  4. You’re not skipping? Okay, you’re all in. I knew you were an addict. Here’s another one. How many items do we even remember from a list after reading or writing one? I don’t know but I’m going to say about one or two and most lists are at least seven items deep. I know what you’re thinking, that’s what the list is for. What list? You may be shouting to yourself, “80–20 Rule! 80–20 Rule!”. Forget that.
  5. Congratulations, we’ve arrived at the halfway point and I see no signs of stopping you except to say that even though I think I’ve already justly stated my case I will continue if only to overstate my point, which now seems pointless, and is what lists tend to do. But stay with me to the end. I will reward you with a bonus reason — “5 ways to List Bait” by Profile P.

-intermission-

6. Alas, I continue with a follow-up to my previous point, pressing toward the almighty finish line proving nobody is immune from the stopping of reading lists. You are still there?

7. I’m going to get serious for a moment, lists are dangerous to your health. Click here to read 5 Dangerous Things About Lists.

8. Okay, that last one was originally intended as a joke until I googled the health dangers of list-making, and that article, plus many more showed up. The irony.

9. I mean, aren’t we tired of “getting things done” yet? Read my article on being an underachiever. It’s an eye-opener.

10. Amazing, you made it to the end — unless you skipped from #3. I’ll never know. I’d like to say we’ve come a long way since the beginning of this article and imagine you’ve gained invaluable insight into why lists should be banned from our culture but we both know that’s not the case. So I will leave you with these gems by the Italian philosopher, critique, and novelist, Umberto Eco advocating list-making and maybe the paradox pushing the irony of this article.

Eco friendly? or unfriendly?

Umberto Eco quotes:

“The list doesn’t destroy culture; it creates it. Wherever you look in cultural history, you will find lists.”

Okay, true.

“At first, we think that a list is primitive and typical of very early cultures … But, in cultural history, the list has prevailed over and over again. It is by no means merely an expression of primitive cultures.”

So we aren’t done yet?

“[I]t took naturalists 80 years to come up with a definition of a platypus. They found it endlessly difficult to describe the essence of this animal. So what did that definition look like? It was a list, a list of characteristics.”

Weird.

“We have a limit, a very discouraging, humiliating limit: death. That’s why we like all the things that we assume have no limits and, therefore, no end. It’s a way of escaping thoughts about death. We like lists because we don’t want to die.”

Terrifying

“The list could surely go on, and there is nothing more wonderful than a list, instrument of wondrous hypotyposis.”

I looked it up. It means a vivid, picturesque description of scenes or events.

I’ll end on that. One more thing you may be wondering is why I made the list ten items strong. I could have made it more or less but the answer is that longer lists appear more reputable. 10 is a nice round pretentious #.

Here is the bonus I promised you dedicated list finishers.

Bonus as Promised

For this bonus one, I would like to give a shout-out to some of the medium writers before me who’ve attempted this topic, probably to a much more successful degree than I have here. Maybe they have some wisdom to add.

Lance Baker, Mathias Barra, Rasheed Hooda, Jeff "Appleknocker Radio" Suwak, Galit Birk, PhD, Ali Shearman, Greg Profitt, Del Singh, Nisha Mody, Matt Lillywhite, John Emmerling, Aimée Gramblin, and Roz Warren. Thanks for your contribution.

Lists, Damned If You Do

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Writing the script to my shit show one article at a time. I may use affiliate and or sausage links. The end

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Writing the script to my shit show one article at a time. I may use affiliate and or sausage links. The end